A lot of us grew up motherless or fatherless.
According to the general belief, the motherless adult are cruel towards partners, while the fatherless has father issues (needy and dependent). This is absolutely a bullshit !
In reality, I don’t really find something exactly like this, it’s too complicated to tell.
For the case without siblings, simplist form, it exists many different patterns :
- Situation that without one parent, the other spoil the child. ( where the NPD is easier to develop before age of 10 in this case)
So the motherless girl with a kind indulging father is very different of a motherless girl with avoiding father.
- And if the mother died early during the different ages of the child, the effect can be different towards child’s development
- The absent mother is also very different with died mother, the death creates a lot of guilt and regrets of not have done or say, while the alive but absent creates effets of dissociation such as “my mother is not my mother”
- Periodic absence of one or both parents
The fatherless boy is the similar case, but I feel a boy’s brain is generally more fragile than a girl on consequences.
For the case with siblings, it’s much more complicated to define, too many variations.
Both the fatherless and motherless adults can’t divide the notion of the missing parent figure and a partner’s notion. For sure the neurotism is something very easy to develop in those brains.
Suprisingly both the fatherless and motherless, because of lack of concrete gender development before adulthood, tend to create idealisations on themselves.
I grew up without father around the age of 7, after 30 years I finally understood the division of the partners’ role and father’s role. Where come out the question why I became so into NPD’s studies in the past.
Everything’s about the psychological needs the NPD provide as roles in a relationship. ( A father and a child )
A father is the missing role, and the child level up the self idealisation (perfect mother).
As a fatherless woman, I remember my father dress me up like a little princess, playing harmonica and see me happy, brought me to amusement park and play with me.
That’s what I imagined as a partner’s role.
When I finally understand that’s not a truth, I went to an empty space, asking everyone what is a role of a male partner in a relationship ? what is that suppose to be ?
I talked to fatherless adult I found that they always expected women to do more that the other men never asked for.
I can’t say that’s needy. I’d say they expect better than what a woman naturally could provide in a relationship.
With deception, some form of psychological response would be created in the brains like : lack of trusts without reason, non-secure attachement, self-defeating thoughts .
How to solve this ?
Is that providing the compassion important for those fatherless/motherless adults to grow ?
I think understanding is more important than the compassion, too much compassion can’t allow people with this situation to grow, I think we need more guidlines to know what is normal however to change one’s psychological needs is not that easy.
Some people still stuggle to find out ways after their 50 years old.
It’s a puzzle still for me, for others … yet with years of self studies, I got rid fast a lot of things to have secure attachement style, what I bascially do is trust the process of psycholocal guidlines can provide, build the confidence little by little, self-reliance, changing “wrong” believes whenever I have tendency to develop.
Can I get some compensation of the fatherless fact ? no … I think the notion of self-parenting works better than expecting outside sources.
The idea of self-parenting is that a person’s “mind” is created in the form of a conversation between two voices generated by the two parts of the cerebral hemisphere. One is the “inner parent” represented by the left brain with the other voice being the “inner child” represented by the right brain. The manner and quality by which these “inner conversations” take place between the two voices is most accurately described as self-parenting. The inner parent is parenting the inner child within the inner conversations.
My tiny talks 