When I was 10 I was interested in national geography.
Then 12 very into politics, I bought all the political newspaper that I had no money left, I tried to read them all every day, I can tell some of the article are repeated in another number.
Around 16 I read less polics and was very interested in economics, I began to buy economic newspapers and I realized that they were so complicated to read, after 2 years I finally understood the terms.
When I was 18, I could finally chose a major to go to university. I wished to become a journalist.
Earlier than that I already had journalists friends, they pretty much discouraged me to do that, since in China it’s difficult to tell the truth. ” the press is the dog of the gouvernement, we can bite whoever the governement dislike, and lick ass” one of my friend told.
Those truly impacted me, because it’s really a bullshit to be a journalist not to tell the truth. So I thought why not tell the truth of other countries, so I can safely avoid the subject. I applied the famous university of foreign languages for the major of journalist in dreamming that I can follow the way of my favorite writer 唐师曾.
Unfortunately the school refused me, they asked me however they can accept me if I can do law.
Suddenly I was empty inside, like if I was robbed. I stopped reading newpapers and closed myself into a little bubble.
I accepted the university’s proposal like how I did for my fate in the past by convincing myself that journalist is not that interesting job and plus that I didn’t really like writing.
The problem finally came to me again after 4 university years studying law. I was only interested in panalty law however I hate the creepy stories that I might listen to. I can’t imagine myself being a lawyer defending a criminal, oh nooo … or a juge for criminals ? completely not my thing.
Luckily there came an opportunity to go abroad, it seems mom suddenly got an good enough amout of money to sent me out. I chose France, because it was cheaper, and I can finally study something else.
They told me that I can chose Marketing , hmmm what’s that … I was still glad after one year I finally get some commercial sense which if I knew earlier I would be already very very rich . What a pity, that I wasn’t in that reality.
When the Marketing year ended, I got headache again… What can I do with marketing in France when I barely can speak several words in French. I can surely work in Shanghai but I felt a huge reluctance to come back. I don’t have the sense that I belong to there, I never missed home while I missed France a lot when I came back to China only for 2 weeks.
Many students in university in their Master’s were worrying about their future, since the university never respected the need of the job market. So the Karma fell on our head.
I felt as if I slept over since the moment my dream was erase by my fate + my strong “letting go” persuasion, I dropped down into an rabbit hole untill my 36 years old, I woke up little by little, realized that I worked as web developper for 9 years …
Crazy indeed.
I told mom : I didn’t really understand how can I took that long, this thing that I’m not sure if I truely like it or am I good at it. It’s definately not a confident issue, but a self identification issue.
My mom told : ” oh many people tried to be in your place, they failed. You held it, it was for you. “
Thanks to that I got a healthy life financially for years.
This time when the company force leaving a lot of employees I didn’t prepare that I finally need to start the change that I wished secretly. I can continue but it’s more for money, not for me.
So I wanted to do something for me, starting with this age.
Oh the golden age of 36 years old, many ladies are enjoying fancy restaurants with their two children and husbands, and I need to get up to fight again for something new. But I thought about what I’ve experienced, I understood that I get bored with easy life.
Now if a millionnaire want to marry me to offer me everything, I would just refuse him, because it’s boring, I can have everything via him, I can’t see the value of me in this world.
I want something real, easy or hard by my hands, the satisfaction of tiny success here and there. Then I get the power engine to learn and fight.
This year I chose to go back to school to study electricity. I felt that was trapped in a virtual world for too long, I wish some real things, to do some sports during the work. Electricity is not my final wish however It can be complicated enough to attract me for long time …
Yes I have a new dream already, this time I wish strongly that I can hold it and achieve it one day.
My tiny talks 